Love, I’ve felt this emotion the most.
Anxious, this feeling is second (which annoys me).
Excited, must be third.
Exhausted and frustrated (at times), are tied.
Lately I have been feeling all the emotions, which isn’t unheard of for motherhood. Someone compared their experience with a toddler and a newborn as keeping their head above water and I would have to say this is accurate.
Ellie sleeps pretty well at night so I know that if it weren’t for this I would be barely making it through. But here I am, making it through. During the day I usually don’t have help, but when I do have help (shoutout to EVERYONE who has helped me hold a baby or two) it really makes a world of difference. Yes, I have two arms, but I need both of them for a newborn, BUT I also need both of them for my toddler. So here I am, trying to get out of the house, while battling anxiety and trying to keep two babies safe.
My secret to making it all work:
-Keeping my house clean when the babies sleep because a clean house, an empty sink, and no clutter works wonders for my stress levels.
-Getting dressed in the morning, putting on my makeup, and having a plan for the day.
-LISTS (organization in general).
-And as always, facing my fears.
What do I have to worry about lately now that I have given birth? Well it can be really stressful between toddler tantrums and Ellie needing milkies and constant diaper changes. I have set a new goal for myself, to get out of the house with no help. I try to do this every other day, or maybe even everyday. And I have been doing pretty well! I even went into Target by myself. Granted, I spent most of the time in the clothes section, but I walked the WHOLE store (Mossimo is my fav brand and I bought a Stranger Things T to celebrate). Fun fact, I saw my therapist for the first time and he told me that I may have a sensory processing disorder, which can go hand in hand with anxiety, so it explains why my brain freaks out when I walk down an aisle… (fun stuff).
Social anxiety… this isn’t new but I am extreeeemely anxious to socialize right now. It has a lot to do with mom brain and with feeling judged as a mom – especially a young one. Am I doing it right? Is someone thinking to themselves that I could do it better somehow or that I am incapable because I look like a 12 year old (if you add 10 to that then you get my true age)? It also has to deal with baby number 2 – my toddler is on the go and I am tethered to a newborn. So I basically need 4 arms and 4 eyes…. or a nanny. I am also really exhausted and it’s hard to keep up with other people’s lives when I can barely keep track of my own.
Y’all motherhood is HARD! I had no idea, so thank you mom (and Happy Mother’s Day). And anyone who has been through this, is in the thick of it now like I am, or has been in a similar situation knows. You have to feed, cook, clean, change diapers, bathe, clothe, soothe, teach….. THE LIST GOES ON. And I’m not even a single mom (thank you Taylor, you’re a great daddy to our babies). And to those judging – yes I put myself in this situation and as hard as it is, I have no regrets. I actually want you to know, those that are in tears because it is all too much, this doesn’t last. One day your kids will be in school, they will be able to drive themselves around town, make their own food, and even move away and start their own lives. Right now it is 24/7, but rejoice in this time. Every blow out diaper, every tantrum that lasts 30 minutes, find the joy in it. One day you will look back and wish that you hadn’t wished it away. I carry this perspective throughout the day and it helps me to find peace and patience when I need it most. I love my kids, I love this job, and I am so blessed to be raising children of God.
Those with anxiety, my anxious buds, face your fears or they will control you. You can do it. If I can, you totally can. I still carry that fear on my heart, its pretty heavy, but one day it will lighten and continue to lighten until I am weightless. I am scared to leave my house, but I still do it, because I will not live my life chained to comfort (and my kids will not suffer with me).
“Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the MAKER of Heaven and Earth.” -Praise You In This Storm by Casting Crowns.
Remember this: the Maker of the ground you walk on is also a healer, one who strengthens you and keeps you. How powerful is that? He is just a prayer a way, ladies.
Happy Mother’s Day to all who read this! Thank you for your support.
Special thanks to this guy too, without his support I would be lost.