I’ve been fighting this fight for more than 10 years and there are seasons when my anxious voice is screaming at me. Right now I am in one and I’ve been here for almost a year.
I hear from my anxiety all the time in the form of second guessing myself in my independence and strength to face daily tasks.
My anxiety tells me no, I can’t go to the store alone, no I can’t drive through the tunnel on my way to Kaneohe, or I can’t possibly make new friends or reconnect with old ones. My anxiety tried to tell me no when I decided to book a flight back to Texas so my family can meet my newborn daughter, in fact it is still telling me I can’t go.
My anxiety has not let go of it’s grip on my thoughts. My heart still races when I am faced with the reality that I have to drive, I have to get out of my house and get in my car and leave so my children and I can live a fulfilling life.
All the time it tells me no, I can’t do this or that. It reminds me that I will be terrified if I do it, that the racing heart and the numbness, the fidgeting, the relentless thoughts, that all of it will be too much and I will succumb to the pressure it puts on my body. But I haven’t yet. I am still alive, my heart is beating at 60 beats per minute as I hold my newborn child and type this message.
Even through all of the mess, through the terror, I have found COURAGE. I find it when I have faced my fear, when I come out on the other side of it.
The truth is that I will always face anxiety. It will always be there to tell me that I’m not strong enough. But I am and so are you. We have to face the mountains before us or we will be blocked from the beautiful thing that stands on the other side.
Keep facing your mountains, climb them until they are conquered, tear them down rock by rock until they are no longer standing. If I can do this so can you.