I read this Dr. Suess book to my son at least once a week before he goes to bed, it’s called My Many Colored Days. It’s a poem about the many colors of emotions that he goes through each day. Off the top of my head I can remember this part “…mad and loud I howl, I growl at every cloud.”
Of course my toddler throws fits in anger, sometimes with a little rage mixed in, but me? I’m supposed to be patient, kind, and forgiving. And as a mom, I’m not supposed to be stressed or worried. See, when I was a teenager I had it in my head that my mom couldn’t possibly understand what I’m going through… now that I’m a mom I realize that I couldn’t be more wrong. I have to worry about keeping my kids safe and nourished, and most importantly loved, not to mention worrying about my own needs that I can address when both kids are asleep.
This is STRESSFUL (everything but loving on my babies – this is blissful). And it never stops.
If you’re an anxious momma, like me, then you worry about the worry! You worry about a conversation you just had at the Burger King with a fellow mom who was probably to tired to notice that awkward thing you said. You worry about going to the store or to a crowded place. You worry about money, about the list that is always unfinished, traffic, deadlines…
Lately this worry I’ve been carrying finally built up and it lead to a total meltdown. Yesterday Taylor broke the lid to our trash can and I noticed when I was throwing something away. I immediately turned to him and threw a tantrum, not so different than my sons except I used my words. What was making me angry? A plastic, cheap trash can lid or the mess that was consuming every surface of my house and the fact that I can’t get a break from my littlest one.
The mess and the stress of newborn care, which is non stop because I am the only one with boobs that make milk in this house, was behind the anger. Let’s be real, I’m basically angry at my husband for being able to take a shower or do whatever he needs whenever he wants (and also that he didn’t read my mind about the mess, instead he was burping Ellie – he basically does nothing around here… <–sarcasm).
Anxiety doesn’t just show itself in panic attacks. It shows it’s true colors in how you carry yourself, in how you speak, in your mood… less anxious days? You probably feel more joy.
What negative mood are you experiencing lately? Anger, Sadness, Fear? Maybe instead of throwing an unproductive tantrum like me you can talk to your support person about what’s worrying you. Maybe you can exercise some of the worry and anger away (I can’t yet because I just had a baby, so workout for me, okay?).
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Thank you for reading❤️